22 Signs You’re So Totally From New York!

NewYorkers

Via primiwan.info

New Yorkers take being from New York pretty seriously as evidenced by the never-ending lists on Buzzfeed that give New Yorkers a platform to agree on how New Yorkey they all are. It’s probably because being from New York is really hard and the more opportunities we get to pat ourselves on the back for having what it takes to make it here, the better. This is why I’ve devised yet another list for all of us New Yorkers to go “Oh my God, that’s so true! to, because there can never be enough ways to express to people how pretty much everything annoys us and that we’re better than you. If you get all this stuff, you’re so totally from New York! If you don’t, you’re probably just from somewhere else.

#1 You say “Only in New York” and you mean it.

NakedMan

Via dailymail.co.uk

Because a guy doing gymnastics, naked, on the subway, could never happen in say, San Francisco?

Oh wait…

#2 You can’t stand the crowded tourist-plagued Disneyland that is Times Square.

Tourists

Via theepochtimes.com

Remember back when this place was all full of human trafficking and murder? Yeah, that was awesome! Now there’s a Bubba Gump Shrimp. That’s fucking gross! Ugh. In fact, what the hell are you even doing here? You’re a New Yorker! You should know better!

#3 To you, there’s no bigger loser than someone trying to hail a cab whose light isn’t on.

HailingACab

Via nydailynews.com

This person has obviously never seen a taxi before.

#4 You hate the new Citi Bike program!

CitiBike

Via theweek.com

Sure, Citi bikes are good for traffic, the environment and people in general, but the racks take up like three parking spaces. Now it takes forever to park on your block even MORE than it took forever to park on your block before! Ugh! If this keeps up you may finally have to ask yourself why the fuck you own a car in New York City in the first place.

#5 You love the new Citi Bike program!

CitiBike

Look. it has a basket! Your bike doesn’t have a basket.

#6 Remember back in the 90’s (cause yeah, you lived here in the 90’s) you used to refer to everyone in the boroughs as Bridge and Tunnel?

GorillaCoffee

Via digitalpiglet.org

Well now your pretentious ass lives there.

#7 Obama coming to town is like a major inconvenience for you.

You can’t get down 2nd Avenue. The fucking UN is blocked off for miles. Secret service is everywhere. You’re in such a rush!

#8 But not so much that you don’t have time to update your FB status about what a bitch this is.

peopletexting

Via segment.com

#9 You know waaaay too much about where to get pizza.

DiFaras

Grimaldi’s?? Ummm, you don’t think so. DiFara’s is way better and you’ve been going there since 1846.

#10 You call people who aren’t from New York “transplants”.

StatueOfLiberty

Via nbcnews.com

Unless you were born straight up the Statue Of Liberty’s ass, you’re not a real New Yorker!

#11 Even though you tell at least thirty-six people a year “You know I’ve never even been to the statue of liberty”.

#12 You fucking hate Los Angeles.

#13 You know they don’t even have hardwood there? It’s all carpeting.

#14 You don’t even know what the fuck a carpet is!

ScaredOfCarpet

via belho.blogspot.com

#15 You won’t go above 14th street.

UnionSquare

via aviewoncities.com

If your uptown friends want to hang, those pilgrims can come to you.

#16 You don’t care how nice Hoboken is now, you’re not living in Jersey.

Hoboken

Via theboken.com

#17 When you travel you can’t wait for people to ask you where you’re from. Oh IDs please? No problem!

license-1

Pa-POW!

#18 Then you proceed to tell everyone in the place you’re visiting “Oh really? Funny. That’s not how we do it in New York”.

#19 You’ve lived in Modesto for over a decade but you still have a 917 area code. Maybe you should let it go?

Modesto

Via picksquadlocksmith.com

#22 Fuck that. You also lived in New York for eighteen months in the 90s. You’re a 917 for life.

Sexandthecity

Via clashdaily.com

#21 You’re generally kind of a dick. And not in an ironic way.

Houston

Did that guy just say Hewston Street?! Hahahaha! It’s Howston Street you asshole! That guy is obviously not from here.

And finally…

#22 You love lists like this one.

They’re so true! You can’t wait to share them on Facebook and Twitter and email them to all of your friends just to let everyone know how totally fucking from New York you are!

No but like, for real. Go do it.

P.S. I had to jump on the gif bandwagon for a second here. I promise not to do it again.

  • Vanna

    I am fighting Brian on getting hardwood floors and will NEVER change my 917 area code! I represent NYC in Minnesota…for now… I love these lists!!

    • Kelly

      I’m a 347. Devastating. P.S. the neighbors upstairs are going at it hardcore. It’s 2:26 on a Thursday.

  • http://damiengaleone.com/blog/ Damien

    The one thing I expected to see on this list is “You walk into traffic.”

    I have never walked through New York with a New Yorker without dodging cars and playing some kind of fucking twisted Frogger game. Also, the sandwiches.

    • Kelly

      I walk into traffic but not because I live in New York, because I never pay attention to anything. Like, ever. They’ve actually started painting the word LOOK onto all the streets right before the lights not because so many people are looking down at their phones and getting clipped by busses.

  • Lil J

    YES!!!

  • http://www.adashofquirky.com Anna

    I’m from “somewhere else” but I still loved the list.

    We have a street here – Couch St. and laugh at the out of towners d-bags that eff it up. Just kidding they’re not dbags. But we do laugh.

  • Michelle

    LOVE IT! Want to post it on my facebook page however due to the fact you can not control your potty mouth decided against it because I’m not sure my clients or mother in law will have the same sense of humor that Oma has:) Fuckin A Kel.

  • pete

    I had a 917 cell phone, it replaced my 212 cell phone that replaced a 718, in the old days when you switched carriers you lost your number.

  • Carole Kane

    New York what a wonderful town!

  • Gabriele Davieds

    Remember when you and I were standing on a corner in Munich, Germany, waiting for the red light to turn green. Not a single car was coming from any direction, and yet all the disciplined Germans waited faithfully for that traffic light to turn green before taking a step off the curb. We were stunned, and had to fight the urge to cross the street, because, after all, that’s what New Yorkers do. And…you and Vanna do know…you’re not actually from NY, NY. Hate to break your bubble, but you are still from across the river…the Hudson River. Or across the Bridge…Tappan Zee Bridge that is. Good ol’ Rockland County.
    I also just found out that in Lake Ariel, Pa., where we have our house in The HideOut…we are known as WEB’s…Week End Bastards! Well!!! And us WEB’s support your economy Big Time! So, where ever you go, unless you were born there, you will never be one of “us.”

    • Kelly

      Vanna’s actually from Inwood which is in Manhattan but she did spend a considerable part of her childhood in Rockland County. And who knew the Hideout was such an exclusive community?

  • Gabriele

    So my girlfriend, Sue, and I were in NYC this past Wed. We wanted to hail a cab and were trying to think of your NYC list, as we did not want to risk looking like Dorkey out of towners. Did Kelly say we need to look for cabs with lights or not if we wanted to hail a cab. That’s right…look for the lights. No..wait…that cab has people in it…oh right…no lights! Wait…lights AND no passengers…zooming right past us. Damn! . The bus from the Ferry also passed us by when we were waiting at the bus station. As you said: It’s not easy being New Yorkers

  • Beth

    Hey K Rhizzle! My favorite was #17, the ID. I have been living in Colorado for a year and 8 months now, and I still have my NYC driver’s license. I realize this is illegal… however I just can’t give it up yet… I want people to KNOW I came from Brooklyn when I walk into a bar!!! :-)

    • Kelly

      I was literally just talking about you a few minutes ago. My cousin Michelle booked a trip to Keystone to go skiing in March and I was saying me and Jeff should go then to visit you. Don’t give up that ID! Or get a CO one and just use the NY one for going out.

  • Vanna

    Ha, that’s what I do!