New Yorkers take being from New York pretty seriously as evidenced by the never-ending lists on Buzzfeed that give New Yorkers a platform to agree on how New Yorkey they all are. It’s probably because being from New York is really hard and the more opportunities we get to pat ourselves on the back for having what it takes to make it here, the better. This is why I’ve devised yet another list for all of us New Yorkers to go “Oh my God, that’s so true!“ to, because there can never be enough ways to express to people how pretty much everything annoys us and that we’re better than you. If you get all this stuff, you’re so totally from New York! If you don’t, you’re probably just from somewhere else.
#1 You say “Only in New York” and you mean it.
Because a guy doing gymnastics, naked, on the subway, could never happen in say, San Francisco?
#2 You can’t stand the crowded tourist-plagued Disneyland that is Times Square.
Remember back when this place was all full of human trafficking and murder? Yeah, that was awesome! Now there’s a Bubba Gump Shrimp. That’s fucking gross! Ugh. In fact, what the hell are you even doing here? You’re a New Yorker! You should know better!
#3 To you, there’s no bigger loser than someone trying to hail a cab whose light isn’t on.
This person has obviously never seen a taxi before.
#4 You hate the new Citi Bike program!
Sure, Citi bikes are good for traffic, the environment and people in general, but the racks take up like three parking spaces. Now it takes forever to park on your block even MORE than it took forever to park on your block before! Ugh! If this keeps up you may finally have to ask yourself why the fuck you own a car in New York City in the first place.
#5 You love the new Citi Bike program!
Look. it has a basket! Your bike doesn’t have a basket.
#6 Remember back in the 90’s (cause yeah, you lived here in the 90’s) you used to refer to everyone in the boroughs as Bridge and Tunnel?
Well now your pretentious ass lives there.
#7 Obama coming to town is like a major inconvenience for you.
You can’t get down 2nd Avenue. The fucking UN is blocked off for miles. Secret service is everywhere. You’re in such a rush!
#8 But not so much that you don’t have time to update your FB status about what a bitch this is.
#9 You know waaaay too much about where to get pizza.
Grimaldi’s?? Ummm, you don’t think so. DiFara’s is way better and you’ve been going there since 1846.
#10 You call people who aren’t from New York “transplants”.
Unless you were born straight up the Statue Of Liberty’s ass, you’re not a real New Yorker!
#11 Even though you tell at least thirty-six people a year “You know I’ve never even been to the statue of liberty”.
#12 You fucking hate Los Angeles.
#13 You know they don’t even have hardwood there? It’s all carpeting.
#14 You don’t even know what the fuck a carpet is!
#15 You won’t go above 14th street.
If your uptown friends want to hang, those pilgrims can come to you.
#16 You don’t care how nice Hoboken is now, you’re not living in Jersey.
#17 When you travel you can’t wait for people to ask you where you’re from. Oh IDs please? No problem!
#18 Then you proceed to tell everyone in the place you’re visiting “Oh really? Funny. That’s not how we do it in New York”.
#19 You’ve lived in Modesto for over a decade but you still have a 917 area code. Maybe you should let it go?
#22 Fuck that. You also lived in New York for eighteen months in the 90s. You’re a 917 for life.
#21 You’re generally kind of a dick. And not in an ironic way.
Did that guy just say Hewston Street?! Hahahaha! It’s Howston Street you asshole! That guy is obviously not from here.
#22 You love lists like this one.
They’re so true! You can’t wait to share them on Facebook and Twitter and email them to all of your friends just to let everyone know how totally fucking from New York you are!
No but like, for real. Go do it.
P.S. I had to jump on the gif bandwagon for a second here. I promise not to do it again.