Sandy Says: No Halloween!

I’m just going to mention before I start this article, that I was on the phone with my Oma yesterday and she was telling me how she enjoys my posts, however she doesn’t like when I use the “f-word” and such, which is funny because she curses on a fairly regular basis, only after every time she says “Oh mein Got, Kelly muffin. You know I’m not zupposed to zay zet.” as if stating so will neutralize the fact that she just has. Either way, her birthday was yesterday so I’m going to write this segment without using any foul language just for her. See if you can’t tell when I’m struggling for replacements.

Halloween is here! And for those of you who have been trapped inside your apartments for the last 48 hours, due to the appropriately named “Frankenstorm”, I bet you can’t wait to get your costumes on and finally get out of the house! Well, stinks for you, because the trains are still out and the parade has been cancelled which means you’re not going anywhere sucka!. So why not do something equally as exciting indoors? Like roasting pumpkin seeds!

You’ll need a pumpkin for this if you don’t already have one like I do. So just row on down to your local grocery store and grab what’s left of the gourd aisle, which should be plenty, since most people tend to buy things like chips and dip in emergencies. At least that’s what me and Vanna did. A hundred and eight dollars worth of junk food and not one bottle of water. But hey, we’re still here.

I didn’t know anything about roasting pumpkin seeds so I asked this website to tell me how, although I wouldn’t recommend listening to them because they were full of baloney in the end and I wound up not cooking my seeds properly. However, they do offer some useful suggestions where ingredients are concerned. I chose to make the “Halloweeny” flavored seeds which called for four tablespoons melted butter, one teaspoon cinnamon, half a teaspoon of ground ginger, half a teaspoon of salt and half a teaspoon of ground all spice.

I didn’t have all of these things so I made due with nutmeg instead of the ginger and Goya instead of the all spice since you can pretty much substitute Goya for anything in my experience.

After cleaning your seeds, place them on a cookie sheet, or whatever the heck this thing is, and let them dry out for a couple hours in the fridge.

It says to baste the seeds with the melted butter. Melting butter is no problem for me since I pretty much have a bucket of popcorn for dinner every night, but basting was the kind of technical term that required a bit of research since I always thought a baster was something you shoved up a turkey’s bottom and didn’t really see how it applied to pumpkins. Turns out it means I’m supposed to “paint” the butter on the seeds.

Can you believe I actually had one of these things in my kitchen? I couldn’t. But this is what I used to get my basting done after melting double the amount of butter that the recipe required.

I’m not one for measurements really, so I just dumped a bunch of cinnamon, nutmeg, Goya and salt all over the seeds and then swirled it all around.

Next you have to put them in the oven. This is where the website jips you (I don’t think I’m even using that word properly but it’s better than the more obscene alternative). It says to heat the seeds at 275 for ten to twenty minutes but I assure you if you do this you will be chewing on your seeds for a good ten to twenty minutes before being able to swallow them as they will have a consistency similar to uncooked pumpkin seeds.

Rather heat them for twenty minutes at 450 and they will be all crunchy and easier to digest. Once you’re finished roasting them, serve them at a Halloween party none of your friends will be able to get to because they are trapped under sixteen feet of water or dodging flying debris.

Since your Halloween is obviously going to be a dud, why not spend your evening looking at all the fun me and my friends had this past Saturday when we celebrated a few days early in order to be certain we wouldn’t miss out all together like you are.

I was a Bloody Mary

Vanna was a White Russian

Carmen was a Long Island Iced Tea

And Jackie was supposed to be a glass of champagne but couldn’t be bothered with all of the balloons it would take to make her “bubbles”, so she went as Day Of The Dead.

I hope at least, this helps to pass the time you would have spent out there having a blast, however if you currently have no power, all of this is useless anyway. God speed to you until you get your cable back.

Also I want to give a big congratulations to Lisa and Cairo for winning his school’s pumpkin carving competition with this weird cheeseburger-pumpkin thing. What an awesome year for pumpkins. I’m so proud of us all. Happy Halloween everyone. And happy birthday Oma. I did it!

  • Carole Kane

    Great Job! you can tell you had power.loved the costume! leave it to you to come up with something like that. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

  • Carmen Cortis

    Awesome job as usual…. we have to top this next year!!!!! Let’s start planning now. ;0)

  • Auntie Nic

    I’ve said it before…I’ll say it again. You are my favorite.

    • Kelly

      You make me have a big smile all the time! Love you.

  • Anonymous

    You’re so cute…. Love u

  • Anonymous

    Lisa…. Is anonymous oops

    • Kelly

      Love you guys! Congrats again!

  • Gabriele

    I was glad to see you honing your survival skills. It’s good to know you can manage a disaster (by roasting pumpkin seeds) at a moments notice! So very proud of you!

  • Michelle

    Hummus, beer, water and a pumpkin in your fridge…Almost as empty as Aunt Pat’s=) That probably has to be one of the best Halloween costumes I have seen in a very long time, Vanna’s too….You also just got some new followers from my work crowd since I was laughing so hard;) Well done cuz!

    • Kelly

      Thank you so much Michelle! There’s still blood everywhere from putting that thing together. It’s killing me. Haha! But seriously. It’s all over my sheets and we haven’t been able to do laundry but that’s about the extent of my Sandy sob story.

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  • Hunie

    I LOVE those costumes too funny!!