Believe it or not, I’m an extremely popular woman these days. I have five, count em, FIVE weddings to go to this spring/summer and one bachelorette party. I skipped the two bridal showers I was invited to because they’re against my general policy and with all of this other activity, had I not, I would have been sleeping in my car. And I don’t even have a car. So how much would that have sucked?
Aside from the workout these engagements are giving my wallet, where I’m really feeling the pinch is in the kitchen and at the gym. I’ve been anything but slacking in those departments and as it stands, I’m officially famished and exhausted. The pressure we put on ourselves to look our best during special occasions is ridiculous. I’ll be going to a total of five events, all of which will be populated by family members and it’s not like we live in Kentucky. The chances that I’m going to take home a cousin for the evening afterwards are slim to none. Not to mention, I have a boyfriend now. I suppose that really should have been my first reason for ruling out any potential hookups at these shindigs but it’s been so long since I’ve had one that I often forget that I do. Sorry honey! You understand…
Vanna, who recently lost twenty pounds due to the stress of a new job, has since settled in and begun to get her appetite back. Ironically, this is causing her more stress but not the good kind that keeps her from craving every pastry in sight. She sent me a text message the other day saying “It’s an unfortunate truth but really, the only way to stay skinny is to not eat. This sucks.” I couldn’t agree more. All this nonsense about “it’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle change” can eat me because then at least something wouldn’t be starving. The only way I’ve ever been able to lose weight is to kill myself at the gym and practice what feels like severe food deprivation. And as I get older, it only gets harder. So with that said I’m going to get to the links now because I have to spend the rest of my day juicing the vegetables I’ll be drinking over the weekend and then going to a kickboxing class which I can barely stand through due to malnutrition. But hey, I’m dropping pounds! And is there anything more important in the world than being thin?
I think people who say they hate airline food are crazy. I love it! But then again I can chew it up and swallow it, so why would I feel any other way? However, if you’re one of these people who cringes at the site of a neatly compartmentalized tray crammed with all kinds of exciting edibles, turns out it’s all your fault.
With the pot smoker’s national holiday of April 20th just having passed, I thought I would check in on Colorado and see how they’re faring now that any lunatic can pick up an eighth. Turns out, the city is still standing.
Is The Internet Killing Religion? Dear sweet baby Jesus, I hope so.
I think we should all stop taking pictures of our food, but Martha Stewart especially.
More traveling tips for visiting America. This time from Russia!
Americans are delicate buttercups by Russian standards, so be gentle. They get all touchy when you show up at their house uninvited and get their feelings hurt just because you hang up on them when you’re done talking.”
If soccer looked like this all the time, it might actually be watchable.
I’ve recently committed to eliminating as many chemicals from my life as possible. These five installments from Food, Booze & Baggage on how to avoid chemicals in your beauty routine have been extremely helpful.
The NYPD launched a Twitter campaign asking New Yorkers to upload their favorite photos of themselves with their local friendly policemen and women and this is what ensued. See how friendly?
We’ve had some issues getting girls AND boys to show up to games towards the end of our kickball season. One team captain’s letter to his teammates sheds some light on the situation.
Number 2 on a list of Top 10 Things I’m Too Old To Wear really bummed me out especially since 35 was the cut off. I love my ripped jeans!!
You mean to tell me that competing with all of my peers for what is essentially the biggest piece of pressurized carbon isn’t a completely legitimate way to spend my time? Who would have thought?
I know he’s a bit of a tool but I’m starting to like Russell Brand more and more.
I’ve always thought children were some of the most most terrifying creatures on Earth however this link proves unequivocally that they are.
My boyfriend (God, it’s weird saying that) has got me so wrapped up in Game Of Thrones that I’m actually turning into one of those geeks that watches the “Inside The Episode” features and studies the history of the seven kingdoms and searches for insider information on plot points, which is funny because I taunt him relentlessly for doing the same thing. At any rate, after coming to know these characters so intimately in the fantasy world I’ve grown accustomed to seeing them in, it’s weird to look at the cast just having a day at the beach.
And just so we end on a high note, here are sixty photos that will make you feel good about human beings. For the most part anyway.
Ok, I gotta split. There’s half an egg white waiting for me in the fridge.
Enjoy the weekend!