Slackers Inc.


Because slacking off can be hard work. Let me do it for you.

I can’t tell if that sloth is being lazy or if the simple act of hanging onto something is the most amount of energy a sloth is capable of exerting. Either way, they don’t really do much which makes them perfect Slackers mascots. In fact, I just read that sloths will sleep up to 23 hours a day, thus making me feel pretty damn good about my stunted productivity levels lately.

Anyway, here’s some links and some more true facts about sloths.

Don’t look at this if you’re hungover. I made that mistake and found myself in hysterics worse than had I watched that awful Sarah McLaughlin animal abuse commercial.

Yeah, what I need is one more thing to worry about. Only like I’ve never worried before, and for the rest of my natural born life.

I just recently started abstaining from the splash of cranberry I put in my vodka-sodas because when it comes to calories, I’m worse than Dustin Hoffman at a blackjack table, so it’s nice to read something that makes me feel like I’m not alone in my dementia.

I just came home from a vacation where I allowed myself to eat a critter or two. Sometimes I just need a little encouragement to get me back to vegetarian status.

I have been noticing a lot of “ma’ams” coming my way recently and I don’t think I like it!

Laci Green is probably my new favorite person. At first I thought she was just cute and funny as evidenced by this video but then I got caught up watching like an hour’s worth of her stuff on YouTube and I am thoroughly impressed by everything she has to say. Especially her post on slut shaming.

You mean you never had sex with your husband before you got married and things DIDN’T work out? Weird.

Anyone who has ever endured the hell that is finding shelter in New York City will appreciate this blog.

Good for her.


  • Lisa

    Love the new mascot! Sweet!

  • Caitlin

    Maybe this is just me, but I think the whole no-sex-before-marriage thing is generally a kind of shitty idea. I mean I want to be sensitive to religious beliefs, obviously, but to me it puts way more pressure/expectation on sex if you expect it to be some magical event where happy angels and fairies come down and bless your holy union, or something. Even for people that do end up with the “spark,” you still deal with a bunch of months thinking you’re abnormal or wrong because the first time was awkward and weird (the first time always is!).

    I’m rambling, but great links :)

    • Kelly

      Absolutely. It’s not really my place to tell someone who has chosen to save themselves for marriage that what they are doing is wrong. It wouldn’t even be worth arguing for me because we would be so far apart on the issue that nothing either would say to one another would do much good in relaying a point of view. However, I’m not surprised when I hear that an arrangement like that has tanked. Then again, I’m never really surprised when I hear about any marriage going down the drain, so to each their own I suppose. Good to hear from you Caitlin!

  • Damien

    I’ve started getting a lot of “sirs” in the last couple years, but I guess that’s what happens when you carry a briefcase, even if its only contents are an apple, a tuna fish sandwich, and a Czech language book.

    The worst jolt came about a year ago, when my brother and I made a drunken bet over something silly on Skype and the loser, as usual, had to wear (only) a mustache for a month. I lost. I am a teacher at a university in Prague, and I walked into class that first mustached day expecting a room full of 20-something Czechs giggling and guffawing. Nope. Not an eyelash was askew, no mention was made and the class went on as usual. Later it occurred to me that they weren’t laughing because the mustache looked natural on a man my age.

    And so, I got drunk again. And by the way, the first thing I read in this post was ‘don’t read this hungover’ and I have about the worst hangover in the history of fermented beverages.

    Full circle.

    • Kelly

      Only, as in ONLY? I would think your students would have reacted more severely. I don’t care if they are in Prague. I am sure that even with Europe’s rather lackadaisical policies regarding nudity, donning simply a mustache to class when you are in fact, the teacher, would be worth a guffaw at the very least. Perhaps had I been a student I would have made an effort to carry on business as usual, but only to spare you embarrassment from having forfeited your outfit in order to amend a wager. Well done though sir, well done.

    • Lloyd

      My German friends always refer to their briefcase as their schnitzel bag.

      • Kelly

        That was such a random comment I had to come back here and read the entire content of the conversation but now it makes perfect sense. I love schnitzel bag. I think I’m going to start referring to my purse as that and see how long it takes for someone to just stop me and go “Wait, what?”

  • Damien

    You must not overexcite yourself! Nah, I sort of looked like Milton from Office Space. Probably naked I would too…

  • Lauren

    Thanks for the shout out! Also, the blog about shitty apartments in New York is basically the reason I moved. Also, being almost desperate enough for housing to respond to Craigslist ads titled “Will trade naked housecleaning for small room.”

  • blackjack

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    • Kelly

      Yeah yeah yeah! Bookmark it! Thanks Blackjack! Hey, I’m going to Atlantic City this weekend. Any tips? I would count cards but I’m an idiot. Then again that worked out pretty well for Dustin Hoffman.