America! F#©k Yeah!

AmericaFuckYeah

Oma, put your earmuffs on cause I’m gonna curse a lot in this post. Why? Because it’s my God-given right as a born and raised, tax-paying, red-blooded ‘Merican to do so! Today is the Fourth of July. Fuck. YES. Honestly, 364 days a year I couldn’t give a shit about what country I come from. It’s not that I don’t like America, I just don’t think about being from it all it that much, however the Fourth of July has always been one of my favorite holidays. Every year, after Read More…

My TONY Subscription Is Stressing Me Out: Festival Of Colors

TimeOutHoli

To see why TONY is stressing me out, look here. Of all of my Time Out New York excursions thus far, the Indian festival of Holi was the one I was looking forward to the most. Every year in India, thousands of Hindus celebrate the beginning of spring and its abundant colors, by dancing in the streets and pelting one another with vibrantly tinted powders. Now it seemed, with Brooklyn’s Festival Of Colors, I would be able to enjoy the festivities without actually having to travel half way around the Read More…

Somebunny Special

Bunny

We don’t have many keepsakes in my family. I’ve never really been handed down anything. Well my stepmother, Joanne, did give me her pearls which I love and if I ever have a daughter I’ll probably give her the diamond necklace my father gave me on my thirtieth birthday but as far as mementos go, the Rheels aren’t exactly the most sentimental people. Save for this one thing. Our chocolate Easter bunny. Nineteen years ago it was given to either me or my brother as an Easter present. How it Read More…

Valentine’s Day

BeFunky_Bad Valentines.jpg

One time on Valentine’s Day, I got my girly on, and wore an adorable little skirt, and a pink and white striped sweater, with a fake fur jacket, and got my hair and nails all did, and was super excited to go out to a fancy dinner. I had no idea where we were headed but Jeff’s “I got this” face was enough to make me all bouncy in the cab on the way. He took me to Peter Luger’s. Possibly one of the best steak houses in the country, but it Read More…

Writing Holiday Cards Is Making Me Hate Everyone I Know

BeFunky_003

A number of years ago, I decided that I was absolutely hilarious and it was very important that all of my friends and family be made aware of this. My lightening bolt of inspiration struck on a snowy Christmas afternoon, when after constructing a Calvin and Hobbes inspired snowman scene in my father’s backyard, I was so taken with my craftsmanship, I determined it had to be made available to the public. Thus, I was thrust into a special kind of holiday hell: the Christmas card. Naively, I thought what better Read More…

Go Stuff Yourself!

BeFunky_veggie turkey

A vegetarian alternative, for your Thanksgiving dinner. A few hundred years ago, the Indians were nice enough to donate all of their land and worldly possessions to the settlers of this great country, so in return, I’ve decided to pay it forward and spare a turkey. Seems like an even trade. So maybe you can too! Now before you go calling me a communist for even suggesting that you not dig into these delicious little gobblers on one of the biggest American holidays of the year, just look at this one. Read More…

Sandy Says: No Halloween!

BeFunky_photo (21)

I’m just going to mention before I start this article, that I was on the phone with my Oma yesterday and she was telling me how she enjoys my posts, however she doesn’t like when I use the “f-word” and such, which is funny because she curses on a fairly regular basis, only after every time she says “Oh mein Got, Kelly muffin. You know I’m not zupposed to zay zet.” as if stating so will neutralize the fact that she just has. Either way, her birthday was yesterday so Read More…