Playing Hooky Is Good For You

Dranks

Recently I’ve been pretty intense with this website because I feel like I’m not making enough progress in terms of the goals I want to achieve, so on the days I’m not at the spa, my planner has all sorts of scribbles in it like Two posts today! Find Slackers links! Schedule Tweets for the week! Utilize analytics!  And yeah, there are that many exclamation points. I’m always screaming at myself. This week I had four days off from work in a row, so naturally I thought it would be Read More…

I’m Doing My Spring Cleaning Ten Days Too Late, Don’t Judge Me

JunkDrawer

I’m generally a very tidy person. In fact I’m pretty maniacal about the state of every item in my home. Anytime my brother visits, I succumb to a viciously fabricated mental gauntlet as I pore over every inch of my apartment looking for things that he’s intentionally turned askew. However, there is one space in my domain that I let completely run amuck, over flowing with things I don’t need and will never use, yet can’t bring myself to throw away. My junk drawer. Usually, once a year I’ll do an Read More…

We’ve Gone International!

InternationalKitty

I knew this stinking cat would be good for something some day. Well that day has come. Now I’m famous in Oz (that’s Australia for those of you who didn’t live there for three months thirteen years ago) and it’s all thanks to him! Allow me to explain. Not long ago my brilliant post detailing the Ten Reasons I Know I’m Getting Older reached Sydney’s sandy shores. Not via message in a bottle or anything, but due to this nifty internet contraption. Soon after, the author of the city’s premiere veterinary website Read More…

I’m Trying Really Hard To Like Yoga

Yoga

I’ve done yoga in the past.  I’m not a fan. However, recently I joined a kickball league and the level at which it’s destroying my body is astounding. I actually had to sit out one of the games due to injury the other day. Given that kickball is a sport played largely by third graders and drunken hipsters, the only things more embarrassing to have to be benched for due to cramping would be a beer pong tournament or field day at an elementary school. The way I see it, my inability to walk Read More…

My Name Is Kelly And I Guess I’m Kind Of An Obese Alcoholic?

ObeseAlcoholic

Pretty much everyone I hang out with is a heavy drinker. If ever I make a friend who doesn’t enjoy alcohol as much as I do, I generally make a special space for them somewhere over here in my life for when I’m on a health kick and feel like I should go hiking or to a yoga class, because really, what else are we going to do if we’re not chugging beers? However I’ve never really considered the idea that I may have a drinking problem. I mean of Read More…

No Good Deed And All That Blah Blah Blah…

StreetVendor

There is a man who stands on the corner outside of my gym begging for change. For a while, when I first moved to the neighborhood, he’d ask me for money to get a cup of coffee when I passed by, to which I would clumsily respond “aaaaahhaaagh” while shaking my head in an attempt to appear confused, before scurrying up the street and making my way inside. I wasn’t rebuffing him because I’m opposed to helping people in need but rather because I’m so socially awkward that I have no mechanism Read More…

Things I Did Instead Of Watching TV

notv

I love TV. TV is my friend. I get excited just thinking about it. When I’m at work and it’s the end of a long day, I rush home for no other reason than to sit on my couch and watch the stupidest shows imaginable. I swear I can feel the pleasure centers in my brain lighting up when I start a new Housewives episode. TV keeps me company. Lots of times I’ll have it on without the sound when I’m doing things like writing or cleaning even if I’m Read More…

I Think I Has A Cattitude

Cattitude

I like cats. Well, I like A cat. My cat. He moved in with me fourteen years ago after walking in through my living room window one night like he owned the place. He still doesn’t have a name. He never told me and I never asked, so I’ve always just called him kitty or the cat but now we’re like best friends and that should be the end of it. Although, it’s not. Somewhere along the line, my love for my cat has led to all of my friends and Read More…

Does Anyone Ever Really Change?

yearbook-300x200

For as long as I can remember I’ve been a binge eater, drinker, TV watcher, dieter and exerciser. I’ve mastered the art of procrastination as well as perfected my ability to wrap everything up at the zero hour. After over a decade of therapy, I still have occasionally debilitating anger issues and I swear I will never be confident enough to attend a social gathering where I don’t know anyone. Given that I’m going to be thirty-five this year, all of this makes me wonder, will I ever get my Read More…

Situations I’m Awkward In

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I could assemble an entire blog devoted to just this subject but in the interest of saving time, I’ve narrowed my list down to things that in the last month alone, have turned me into a neurotic mess. Using A New Weight Machine At the Gym I try to appear like I know what I’m doing at all times. This is really hard when I’m at the gym and I see equipment I’ve never used before. The last thing I want to do is straddle something only to find out Read More…