Somebunny Special

Bunny

We don’t have many keepsakes in my family. I’ve never really been handed down anything. Well my stepmother, Joanne, did give me her pearls which I love and if I ever have a daughter I’ll probably give her the diamond necklace my father gave me on my thirtieth birthday but as far as mementos go, the Rheels aren’t exactly the most sentimental people. Save for this one thing. Our chocolate Easter bunny. Nineteen years ago my mom gave it to either me or my brother as an Easter present. How it Read More…

Why Am I Always Hungrier On Vacation?

Burgers

It never fails. I’ll have some stupid weight goal that I’m trying to reach and right smack in the middle of my efforts to get there, I’ve planned a weekend away or a visit to my mom’s house or ONE night with a friend in Brooklyn even. It doesn’t take much to constitute “vacation” in my mind. If I’m not sleeping at home, I’m on one. And that means food. I’m pretty disciplined with what I eat when I’m at home. In fact, I’m almost military about it. Six days Read More…

How To Get Your Autumn On In A Normal Amount Of Time

VIPPumpkins

OK, so last year I wrote a post called How To Get Your Autumn On In Under Six Hours which was fine, but awfully ambitious. This year I’m not feeling quite so motivated. While I have managed to knock out a couple of traditionally fall type activities, they’ve been spread out over the month and started as early as September. If you’ve been struggling to get into the spirit of things as well, don’t freak out. You’ve still got time. Here’s a list of things you can do before the winter Read More…

Dinner, Only Without All The Murder

babychicken

Recently, I’ve been feeling slightly guilty about going to the Minnesota State Fair and having a parade of ham sticks and beef jerky on rotation inside of my mouth. Ehhhhh…let’s start over. For the most part I’m a vegetarian. Not for health reasons, but like one of those saps whose heart is bleeding all over the place for the animals. What can I say? As little compassion as I have for my fellow human beings most of the time, I’m a sucker for a bunch of creatures that would happily Read More…

When Life Gives You Lemons, Make A Weird Giraffe Silhouette Painting

giraffe

Some of you may remember that around two months ago, I made the ridiculous decision to stop watching so much television. This resulted in me doing all sorts of crazy things like making fancy water, reading a book and leaving my apartment. At one point I was even fully convinced that I had become Martha Stewart and attempted to make string art by jamming around eight thousand nails, in the shape of a giraffe, into reinforced cardboard planks . It didn’t work out, yet when you’re as resourceful and determined Read More…

We’ve Gone International!

InternationalKitty

I knew this stinking cat would be good for something some day. Well that day has come. Now I’m famous in Oz (that’s Australia for those of you who didn’t live there for three months thirteen years ago) and it’s all thanks to him! Allow me to explain. Not long ago my brilliant post detailing the Ten Reasons I Know I’m Getting Older reached Sydney’s sandy shores. Not via message in a bottle or anything, but due to this nifty internet contraption. Soon after, the author of the city’s premiere veterinary website Read More…

Can We Give Sexy Back?

PregantPoleDancing

Did I really just see this? Pre-natal pole dancing classes? Forgive me. Normally, I couldn’t be less interested in writing about women’s business because the people who do, can’t help but come off as irritating, or irritated rather, like how Jezebel seems to be in a perpetual state of being offended over the way Lena Dunham gets treated but I was just at the gym and nearly fell off the treadmill when I saw an excerpt on TV about heavily pregnant women, dressed like strippers, working a pole. I can’t find Read More…

I Think I Has A Cattitude

Cattitude

I like cats. Well, I like A cat. My cat. He moved in with me fourteen years ago after walking in through my living room window one night like he owned the place. He still doesn’t have a name. He never told me and I never asked, so I’ve always just called him kitty or the cat but now we’re like best friends and that should be the end of it. Although, it’s not. Somewhere along the line, my love for my cat has led to all of my friends and Read More…

Somebunny Special

Bunny

We don’t have many keepsakes in my family. I’ve never really been handed down anything. Well my stepmother, Joanne, did give me her pearls which I love and if I ever have a daughter I’ll probably give her the diamond necklace my father gave me on my thirtieth birthday but as far as mementos go, the Rheels aren’t exactly the most sentimental people. Save for this one thing. Our chocolate Easter bunny. Nineteen years ago it was given to either me or my brother as an Easter present. How it Read More…

I Have A Really Low Tolerance For Bullshit

rambo-2-1985-12-g

Twice in one shift last week, I had clients say to me after some major theatrics, like hyperventilating for six straight minutes and nearly jumping off of the table while I was lasering them, that “This is so weird, because I normally have a really high tolerance for pain.” It made me wonder. How on Earth does someone know that about themselves? Nothing really hurts anymore. At least not enough to be confident that you could rival Mel Gibson in Braveheart under agonizing circumstances. There are drugs for everything. Going Read More…