Ten Reasons Why Coming Home From Vacation Is The Best

BeFunky_P1030340 Going on vacation can be lots of fun, but there usually comes a point where you’re over everything and everyone around you and you just want to go home. Here are ten reasons why you don’t have to mourn the end of your holiday:

#1. You Can Relax


Does this look like fun?!

Sure that’s what you were supposed to be doing while you were on vacation, but instead, you filled every day, for a week straight, with one activity that was more insane than the last. Instead of lying on your couch, watching TV like a normal person does when they’re trying to unwind, you were taking four hour walking tours of foreign cities, swimming with dolphins, or zip-lining for Christ’s sake. You’re home now, you can take it down a notch.

#2 You Can Stop Drinking For Ten Minutes

JeffTX One of the best things about getting out of town, is that you have carte blanche to guzzle as much booze as your liver will allow, however after the fourth or fifth day straight, drinking becomes a chore. It’s no longer something you want to do, but something you have to do, because really, what else are you going to do? Trek up that volcano without a beer in your hand? That’s ridiculous, but at home, it’s perfectly OK to go to the grocery store sober, the gym sober, or even to work sober.

#3 Your Friends Are All Interested In You

BeFunky_photo (43) Or at least they have to pretend to be. You’ve been off doing exciting things and now it’s their turn to pony up and ask you questions about it, cause God knows, that’s what you did when they came back from that wedding in Malta three months ago. This is your time to shine. All of your vacation photos on Facebook are blowing up and you can feel superior to everyone you know for having traveled somewhere, even though they were at home, having a better time than you.

#4 DVR

BeFunky_photo (44) For a week now, you’ve been galavanting about the globe, collecting tchotchkes from different countries. That’s fantastic. You want to know what your DVR has been doing? Busting its ass! All so that when you get home, you’ll have access to hours worth of your favorite mind-numbing shows to watch before you actually have to engage in the real world once again. In fact, this is probably the best part of your entire trip. Had I known that there would be an episode of The View where Vanilla Ice was performing, waiting for me when I returned from my most recent excursion abroad, I would have come home three days early.

#5 You Know What You’re Eating Again

BeFunky_photo (45)

Food is always an adventure on vacation. Half the time you have no idea what you’re eating at all, which is exciting at first, but towards the end of your time away, all you want is something familiar so you can stop trying to make a sandwich out of whatever the hell this stuff is. When you’re back in your apartment, just open up the menu drawer, hit up Grubhub, or check out your local grocery for the kind of comforting crap that really makes you feel like you’re back in America.

#6 You Can Leave Your Towels Wherever The Hell You Want And Not Have To Feel Like A Jerk For Destroying The Environment

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#7 English

Croatia You speak it. I speak it. We have an understanding. Literally. Because of English, I never have to feel like an idiot after realizing I just spent a week straight asking “What” is the bathroom, instead of “Where” is the bathroom to about a dozen different people. This is because I’ve been speaking English, and I’m fairly confident about the words that are coming out of my mouth.

#8 Snapple

BeFunky_photo (47)Are Snapples some kind of top secret, CIA protected, American treasure, that only Jason Bourne can get his hands on in a foreign country? WTF! Why is trying to locate a Snapple outside of the States akin to accessing the holy grail? Get your act together, world. Snapples are the best, it says so right there on the label, and Americans are willing to pay top dollar for them. If they can find them!

#9 Your Pets Couldn’t Be Happier To See You

Kitty Homecoming

See how happy?!

Your pet went nearly seven days without you Instagramming a photo of them, sitting next to you on the couch, watching “You’ve Got Mail”, on a Saturday night. Well thank God that nightmare is over! Now you’re home and it’s business as usual. Avoid feeling like a horrible person for leaving them alone for an entire week by slathering them with an inordinate amount of attention. With any luck they will repay you for this by gouging out one of your eyes.

#10 The Gym

BeFunky_photo (48) Everyone, at some point during their vacation, in an effort to convince themselves that they won’t be a fat-ass for the rest of their lives after all of the food they’ve eaten, says “I can’t wait to get back to the gym!”. You’re home now. Here’s your chance. Go get em’ tiger.

  • Oma


    • Kelly

      We had a great time Oma! But nothing beats home, you know?

  • anonymouse

    as a side note…no place on the planet can match either the shower you are accustomed too or the combination of your comode and TP. Some of us like to come home and resume with familiar “morning necessities”

    • Kelly

      I agree with this whole-heartedly! Living in such close quarters, with numerous people, can become quite uncomfortable after a given period of time. Yet another reason it’s good to be home.

  • DQ

    Another great article Kells,,,I also like not having to wash my socks and delicates in hotel the sink anymore, and how when I get home, my blow dryer is back to it’s fully 1875 watt capability. None of that Icelandic “whispering wind blow dryer” nonsense.

    • Kelly

      I was actually going to include a bit about the hair dryer! The one that was in my hotel required me to keep my finger on the button at all times if I wanted it to stay on and it was driving me nuts! I don’t know what kind of a world we live in where measures need to be taken to keep people from leaving a hair dryer running? Who would do that?!

  • Gabriele

    I remember when Oma went to Hawaii with Opa, he wasn’t happy with that piece of paradise until they found a Denny’s. Then all was well with the world. And as for me, how proud I am of my boy, Jeff, who once again demonstrates how resourceful he can become when needed. A beer in his shirt and a beer in his shirt pocket. Gotta love it!

  • Lloyd

    FYI – Point #5: Rhabarber is a personal lubricant.

    • Kelly

      No kidding? Well it doubles as one hell of a cracker spread…

      • Lisa


  • Jackie

    Welcome home! Love the pic of the Kitty! Tough boi :) Im sure he cant wait to sit n watch Real Housewives while snacking on german lubricant topped crackers…with his MAMMA :)

    • Kelly

      I gave him the schnitzel flavored condoms instead.

  • Gabriele

    Does anyone want some K-Y Jelly with their crackers?

  • Michelle

    Hilarious Kelly and oh so true.

  • diane hagerty

    In Puerto Rico we combined pleasure with still staying in shape. First thing a morning exercise walk followed by your father and I rollerblading. Got to eat and dring and still burned the calories,