I understand after the crazy week a lot of us have just had, not everyone is ready for the kind of nail biting drama that is the Stanley series, however I want to be done with this thing once and for all. So here it is; the harrowing conclusion of the Stanley Saga.
After our falling out at the beach, I ditched Stanley and headed to Dublin. This left him with no choice but to reach out to the only other people he knew in Ireland; his friends from Limerick. However, after spending a week with Quinny, who sustained this injury days before the picture was taken, trying to roll himself down a hill in a cement cylinder of some sort, Stanley was more than willing to come back to the States and wrap up our project together.
Just a quick side note. Quinny also wound up severely damaging his hand, when on a second attempt down the hill, he fell out of a canoe. Upon relaying this story to a friend, I was told of a drug currently being developed that is supposed to have extraordinary healing properties granted it’s administered no more than a couple of hours after an accident occurs. To test it, the researchers had to find a place where there were an inordinate amount of serious, but non life-threatening, injuries. They went to Ireland.
When Stanley arrived back in Queens we were all business. We agreed it would be best for both of us to set aside our differences and finish what we had set out to do, which was show up every other kindergartner in Cairo’s class with our awesome adventure photos, and where better to do that than in New York City?
Then we just bounced around town talking to strangers and goofing off.
By the end of our day together I was actually sad to see him go. I made Lisa promise to send him right back to me as soon as he was done with his assignment. But what does Lisa do?
She takes him on a Mexican cruise. Where he proceeds to go on a six day bender…
…getting tanked with anyone he can get his hands on including this mangled pineapple and the Waponi Chief from “Joe Versus The Volcano”…
…before ultimately being kidnapped by other inebriated tourists. No joke.
About mid-way through their trip, Lisa texted to say that she had last seen Stanley in the back pocket of her backpack during one of their on-shore excursions. Then he was gone. I asked if she had unwittingly passed by any brothels or crack dens, because those are the first places I would explore if Stanley had gone missing in my company, but she assured me she had not.
Rather Lisa speculated that he was abducted by a group of rowdy travelers who had seen him sticking out of her bag earlier in the day. Apparently they were quite enamored and showed great interest in having their pictures taken with him, much like the locals in Ireland did. Only they took it a step further, hijacking Stanley and making off with him to the next cantina.
I was devastated. I can’t stand being ripped off. Which is why I am now offering a reward.
Seeking revenge is a pretty comfortable state of being for me, second only to breathing and having a wine hangover, so naturally I am hell bent on finding the bunch of drunken douche-bags who pilfered my little pal.
Anyone who presents me with information leading to the whereabouts of anyone involved in the great Stanley caper will receive an autographed copy of Summer’s Ashes. No, I didn’t write this, but I did draw the picture on the cover of the girl with the enormous head, hovering above what appears to be a Lego village.
This is a first edition and bound to be out of print by now, so it’s very hard to come by otherwise.
As far as Stanley is concerned, given all of our issues, in the end I feel like he made out OK. I’m happy that we left on a good note, but I hope to see him again in the future. Even if he was kidnapped, I suppose it could have been worse. My Stanley could have been shipped off to whatever absent-minded idiot left this Stanley laying around a house with a hungry dog.