The Whole Three Yards

Beach Photo

An experiment in getting everything you want, without having to work too hard.

A few months ago, when I first launched this website, I included a post that aimed to explore whether or not it was possible to turn your life around, without all of that dogged determination and hard work that the President and Oprah are always talking about. Every success story we hear is plagued by it. Some over-achiever being interviewed on Nightline about how he/she worked day and night in order to open their little store which is now a nationwide chain, or develop something stupid that we all use, like Angry Birds.

Obviously, an unwavering persistence in pursuing your dream comes in handy, I’m not dismissing it, but what if you just don’t have the time, or even the desire, to dedicate that kind of insane fervor to the goals you have set for yourself? Are you no longer worthy or capable of positive change? I decided I was going to find out.

I figured out what my ultimate goal was, and that was to no longer have a boss. I wanted to make a living doing something that I loved, without having to report to an office every day. Oh! And I wanted to make all of these changes and still have time to drink and watch TV and take Halloween waaaay too seriously. Because, realistically, who of us ever really gives one hundred percent to anything? Like no one, that’s who. So I started this website with the intention of eventually quitting my job and getting paid to write, but I was going to do it by only giving an extra thirty percent. Hence, the whole three yards.

So is it possible to get everything you want, without having to work too hard? Here are my findings so far:

OK, So You May Have To Give Closer To Fifty Percent

Ugh! I know. This one is a bitch but it’s true. I wanted so badly to eventually become a raging success and then turn around and go “Haha! And I didn’t even try that hard! Suck it go-getters!” But unfortunately, in my experience, that just isn’t the case. In fact, I’ve been busting my ass writing all of this stupid stuff week to week. However there is a silver lining and that is…

I Don’t Mind!

You know that famous guy who said “Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life”? Well that guy’s an idiot. Making purposeful change in your life is definitely work, but nothing like the lame business of showing up to a shitty job every day that doesn’t appreciate you. When you’re doing something for yourself, the work you have to put in isn’t so bad. In fact I even find myself looking forward to all of the nonsense that goes into growing this website, so I end up giving more than thirty percent without even realizing it.

You May Change A Lot Quicker Than You Think

When I first started this whole project, I felt like I wouldn’t truly be able to call myself a writer until I was cashing checks for, you know, writing. That’s not how it panned out though. When you dedicate a set amount of your time to any one thing on a regular basis, you begin to embody it whether you’re being paid for it or not. I’ve only had this site up for four months and I feel confident when I tell people that I’m a writer now. But that may be because I had business cards printed up that say that I am. So do that first.

It Works!

My whole goal was not to prove that it was possible to make big steps towards a goal with less than the expected amount of effort, but to determine if it was possible. Now I know it is. How? Because I got published on xojane! I swear! You can see for yourself right here. They gave me a bio and everything! Being featured on a hugely popular women’s website was a giant step towards achieving my goal and I did without absolutely killing myself.

So if ever you’re put off about changing course in your life because of all of those nutjobs like Dr. Phil and Jillian Michaels telling you it’s all or nothing, just look at this list of things I was still able to do while making a major change in mine:

I Did My First Flaming Doctor Pepper Shot With My Cousins In Texas

Flaming Doctor Pepper

I Went To Denise’s Birthday Party

Denise's Birthday

I Whootied Everywhere

PicMonkey Collage

I Spent Quality Time With The Little Kitty

Little Kitty

And I Made A Terrifying Birthday Cake


 So now if anyone ever says to me “Don’t work too hard!” I can always reference the whole three yards, and assure them, I am not. I am only working just hard enough.


  • Vanna

    I must say after reading that I feel inspired! I am totally going to give it a whole 40% or even more at the gym today! That’s sounds low but I originally was not going at all, thanks kelly!

  • Kelly

    That’s awesome Vanna! I guess you could say I’m kind of I’m kind of like Deepak Chopra. Only better because I don’t actually expect anything of you! Well done.

  • Señor Blanco

    You make my want to try and stuff

    • Kelly

      Try harder with the spell check.

  • Señor Blanco

    me try…

  • DQ

    So there’s a very small part of me that has always wanted to be famous, maybe for curing cancer or for winning the lotto. I never really pursued curing cancer with a vengeance and playing the lotto has proved disappointing, but when I show up on The Rheel Daze, I feel totally famous!! So in further support of your theory, I barely put 10% into getting famous but here I am, “Haha! And I didn’t even try that hard! Suck it go-getters!”

    Oh, and I still love your wooty.


    • Kelly

      What do you mean you didn’t cure cancer? Was that the other Denise I know? I’m glad I could help you realize your dream. Thank you for always encouraging mine. Perfecting the Whooty that is…

  • Gabriele

    Once again…Sweetie. I’m so proud of you, So glad you bumped up the volume to reach for the stars and acheive one of your goals. Keep up the good work as you are a role model for the rest of us.

    Love you,
    your Mommy :-)

  • Oma

    Explain to me: what is a WHOOTY????

  • Michelle

    First of all, hi Oma!!! You crack me up almost as much as your granddaughter. Second of all, shout out to Texans and Dr. Pepper shots!! Congrats Kelly on your published story. Many of those woman that responded to your story are very angry woman that perhaps need to get laid more. I LOVE reading your writing so keep it up. I can not wait until you are famous and rich and remember who truly has always been your favorite cousin;)

    • Oma

      yes Michelle this are angry women an have no sense of humor, how dare threaten her with stoning, the only stoning Kelly would accept is the one you need whisky which comes in a Glass as I remember. Now since you are her favorite cousin: should she remember this, remember that I like you a lot too!!!!

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  • Paula

    So, I’m going through your web site from start to finish and I remember coming upon that story and finding it HILARIOUS. I joke about that all the time. I mean, clearly I want my friends to be happy, but I miss them too! Hilarious!

    Those bitches on that site are humorless. I was shocked at the hater responses. It’s like, GET A SENSE OF HUMOR. Sheesh.

    • Kelly

      I AGREE! There was one girl who was like “I wonder if her friend even knows about this and how upset would she be if she did?!” I was like “Yeah, my friend posed for the cover photo so I’m pretty sure she knows about it. OH! And she has a sense of humor. That helps.” xojane commenters are fierce, and not in the gay, fabulous, fashion way. Like they’re pitbulls. Or assholes. Either works. Thank you so much for reading!