Putting positivity in its place! But only for a minute. I promise.

Bloggers, there’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about for a little while now and it may be a slightly sensitive subject, so I’m going to do my best to handle it in the most delicate and respectful way I know how. Yet if you’re a follower of this website, you should know not to expect much in that department, as I’m typically about as delicate as a bulldozer.

I’ve noticed a trend amongst the lady blogs ever since I started doing this in 2012. One that over the last two years has only seemed to grow exponentially. I touched on it briefly at the end of one of my most recent posts, however I think it’s gotten so out of control, that at this point, it deserves its own emergency briefing. You see, girls…it’s this whole positivity thing. I feel like it’s become, how shall I phrase this? A tad insane. (Look at that, I almost got through an entire paragraph without insulting anyone.)

And I say “girls” because I read a fair share of blogs written by men and never do I notice any of them bending over backwards to “think positive” or “achieve balance” or “live happy” or “be present” or “embody gratitude”. So why is it that women put all of this pressure on themselves to be perfect little joy vessels all of the time? You know, I didn’t even realize how fucked up my life was until I had a thousand people telling me it could be that much more satisfying if only I visualized this, or embraced that. And it’s not that I don’t want to do all of those things, I do! I mean, who doesn’t like being happy? And I’m totally all about gratitude, but with the state of the internet today, sometimes I feel as if we’re expected to wring the jubilance out of every last moment we encounter until all that’s left is one giant puddle of fulfillment and delight for us to splash around in until we drown in our own content.

Too much? Probably. But so is a lot of this positivity crap, and I think it’s time we put it in its place. But only for a minute!

Now please don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against anyone promoting healthier ways of living. In fact, I appreciate a lot of the posts I see on the subject, given I read them in moderation. So if writing words on wellness is your thing, you keep at it. Chances are, you’ll deliver me from some inevitable emotional crisis at one stage or another. However, I also think that in the interest of balance (hey now, balance! Right??) every once in a while, there should be a place that we can go, where we allow ourselves to be human for just a second, and really bitch the shit out of our day. Ladies, I give you that space:

Welcome to Weekly Bitches

 (Dudes, you can totally come too if you want)

First, let me give credit where credit is due. I got the idea for this link-up from Melyssa over at The Nectar Collective. I also just realized that her tagline is now “Positive Lifestyle”. Go figure. But that’s OK because Melyssa’s writing is very relatable and super down to Earth, so I never find myself overwhelmed when looking at it. Really, she’s great. In fact, I advertise on her site and so should you because she does a fantastic job of promoting mine. But ANYWAY, I’ve been keeping up with her work for a while now and she does a regular installment called Weekly Wishes where everyone gets together and talks about their goals for the week. I decided I wanted to do something similar, only my link-up would be about blowing off some steam. Then I thought, you know it’d kinda be funny if I did a little play on words and called mine “Weekly Bitches”, so that’s what I did and I hope she doesn’t sue me for copyright infringement, because if anything, this is simply a tribute to how successful her link-up has been.

So every Wednesday I’m going to post about something that’s been getting under my skin (this week’s post will mean that quite literally, as you’ll see). It can be big or small, serious or stupid but here’s the catch; since we’re all so into positivity, the one rule is, at the end the gripe, there has to be a solution. How do you like that? See, I can adapt. If you want to chime in, you can link to this feature on your blog and do your own Weekly Bitch (or if you don’t want to say bad words you can call it a Weekly Bummer or Banter or I don’t know, I won’t deduct points if you’re not comfortable with profanity) and then share it here with a link to your site.

Just to show you how ridiculously petty these can be, I’m going to start with something that’s been driving me nuts for a while now:

Weekly Bitch #1 Vitamin Water Zero Bottles

I’ve been trying my darndest to give up Diet Cokes and Snapples because of the supposedly cancer causing agents in them like aspartame and sucralose, however I maintain the dignity of a three-year-old being force fed her peas when it comes to drinking water, so I had to find a flavored beverage that was low-calorie yet wouldn’t end up killing me in the long run. When I discovered Vitamin Water Zeros were sweetened with Stevia, I was thrilled! Until I tried opening one.

You would think these things contained plutonium with how hard they are to unscrew. I get anxiety almost as soon as I open the refrigerator door to reach for one. It’s insane. I’ve tried using my shirt, dish towels, a square drive industrial torque wrench. Nothing can get the caps off without first removing the top epidermal layers of my fingers due to those razor sharp little plastic ridges. How secure to Vitamin Waters need to be?

Solution:

I don’t know, maybe the Vitamin Water people should contact the people from SoBe and see what bottle model they’re using. SoBe doesn’t have aspartame in it, yet I don’t need a skin graft after I try to open one. Or maybe I can just buy SoBes from now on. How did I not think of that before?

Whew!

That feels better. See, now that I’ve gotten my bitching out of the way, I can go back to living positively with a clear head and a plan to find a Deli that carries SoBes. So if you’re looking for a little corner of the internet, where you can set aside serenity for a second and carry out a complaint, I got you. In fact, I’m looking forward to hearing about all of the different things that drive people nuts on other parts of the planet. And if not, well I guess I’ll just be here bitching by myself. But what else is new?

Cheers!

P.S. I’m not big on buttons but if you want to grab this thing, by all means.

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